February 2018
Apologies everyone but the much anticipated guest editor Stone Cold Steve Austin will not be undertaking the task this month,
Flu apparently, hence the name.
We rang The Undertaker and also Triple H but neither were able to step into the breach at short notice so here we go again with another monthly chunk of guff.
Dummer Indoor Leagues
Longparish Lightweights
Two league games to report both against sides from Hook. Hook Wanabees first who batted first and were all out for 107 with two balls remaining. Dan Bearpark, Callum Giles and Michael Taplin all scored 27 as the Lightweights passed the target with 2 overs and 5 wickets remaining. A super strong Hook Hammers side next, Batting first Longparish closed on 99 for 5 with Dan Bearpark dismissed for 26 and Jack Levy unbeaten on 21, a target that the Hammers passed with 2 overs to spare. With 2 games to go The Lightweights occupy top spot in the top division, 2 points ahead of Hook Hammers.
Once again The Lightweights were involved in the four way play off at the Ageas Bowl to decide which team represents Hampshire in the National indoor league competition. Unfortunately they were drawn against Sarisbury Athletic who have reached the final of the competition in recent years and on this occasion completed a 34 run win. But a tremendous achievement all the same considering the vast differences in resources that each club can draw upon.
Longparish Longhops
Only one game for the Longhops, a four wicket defeat to Basingstoke Harriers that is best not discussed here but with seven games remaining the Longhops sit second in Division 2 behind unbeaten Yateley.
Winchester & District Indoor League
Longparish I
In the final game of their league campaign Matt Jackman took 2 wickets and Jack Levy 1 as Owslebury closed on 88 for 5. Matt Jackman hit an unbeaten 26 and Michael Taplin an unbeaten 18 to secure a 3 wicket win for Longparish and a mid table finish in the top division.
Longparish II
Following on from the now notorious tie with Compton & CF II in which all the lights went out following a failure to feed the meter, Longparish II returned to the newly named "Stadium without LIght" to face Compton & CF III, batted first and scored 127 with Jamie and Paul Blackmore both bunting 22 and Jordan Blackmore biffing 28. A target that Compton CF III passed in full light from the penultimate ball of the match.
A convincing 3 wicket win over Hursley Park II followed in which George Kousseff was unfortunately run out for 9, Jamie Blackmore scored 24, Dan Bearpark was unbeaten on 29 and every ball in the Hursley Park II innings was delivered by a Blackmore.
In their final game of the season against Tichborne Park II Paul Blackmore and Jamie Blackmore bagged a brace of wickets each as Tichborne Park II closed on 114 for 5. George Kousseff was not run out and remained unbeaten on 28 as Longparish II passed the target from the opening ball of the final over.
It is rumoured that Longparish II have finished runners up in Division 2
Longparish III
Gary Taplin took 3 for 17, Justin Jackman scored an unbeaten 26 and George Kousseff was caught (not run out) for 23 in an 18 run win for Longparish III over Tichborne Park.
Jordan Blackmore hit an unbeaten 25 and George Kousseff escaped being run out only to be bowled for 21 in a convincing 5 wicket win for Longparish III over Hursley Park III.
Further rumours abound that Longparish III have finished runners up in Division 3
Longparish U13
Thomas Parker and Cameron Wigmore bowled beautifully and Alfie Smith picked up a wicket as Longparish U13 restricted Yateley U13 to 99 for 4. Zac Allen scored an unbeaten 20 as Longparish U13 passed the target with an over to spare.
Conal Proctor, Oliver Oram and Cameron Wigmore all picked up wickets as Easton & Martyr Worthy U13 were dismissed for 107 in the 10th over. A target that Longparish U13 passed with 2 overs and 3 wickets remaining.
Against Easton & Martyr Worthy U13B Zac Allen top scored with 18 and Jack Cady was in the wickets but could not prevent Easton & Martyr Worthy U13B securing a 7 run win.
Longparish U15
Only one game this month, a 4 wicket win over Alton U15 in which Zac Allen, Will McDermott, Tally O'Farrell and Jack Proctor picked up wickets to reduce the Alton U15 innings to 70. Tally O'Farrell top scored with an unbeaten 18 as Longparish U15 eased past the target in the eleventh over.
LCC Survey
The ECB requirement for a Club Survey remains and surveys will continue to be issued until the club receives the answers it would like to hear. Nobody likes doing re-sits so come on everybody let's all make a concerted effort to get the correct answers down on paper so that we don't have to go through it all again. As ever, survey to follow on shortly. .
The Future
Turns out Douglas Reynholm was wrong all along and the future is not Space star ordering, and shove over Cefax, Teletext and Pagers because Face Space Twotter and Staanogram are the new kids in town and hey everyone, welcome to the future, dig the new breed! Plans are afoot to take Longparish CC into online media which may sound like space star ordering but isn't. It's the latest method of communication and should cause an end to all of those face to face conversations when nobody knows what anybody else is talking about. We are promised that awkward silences will be a thing of the past because if you have nothing to stay you can just display of picture of a cup of coffee/tea that you are about to drink. Exciting times for Longparish CC and just two steps away from the Hover Shoes that Bleep & Booster promised us in the Blue Peter Christmas albums all those years ago.
Obviously it takes younger minds than many of us to forge a path in this new world where we are told that its overnight success has meant that vowels are already in short supply. When we land on planet Face Space with its moons of Twotter and Stanogram can we all agree to embrace the new world in peace and sit cross legged lacing daisies into one another's hair while reflecting on what path we would like our Brave New World to take.
Welcome to the Future everyone, Welcome.
And I think the previous chunk of guff perfectly demonstrates why your correspondent is singularly unsuitable for some of the tasks, that we are told must be completed in only one hundred and forty letters.
AGM
The AGM is on 7th March at 7.30pm at the Cricketers Inn. All welcome on the night to demand an explanation as to why a proposal to switch sports to Ice Hockey is not even being considered for inclusion on the agenda for the night. The club are a couple of committee members down and could do with some fresh minds to maintain impetus and a steady course.
Please speak to Mr Chairman if you are interested in contributing to life at Longparish CC in any way.
Other Matters
Why does the fifth step on our stairs creak.
Potential burglars please ignore that last piece of information.
I have lost a small pair of wireless earphones, has anyone seen them?
I really must clean out the cupboard in the sink, although I don't think the headphones will be under there. Why were LIverpool playing in ReadyBrek Orange in their convincing win over Southampton at the weekend?
If I can't do the internet media thing when it happens is it OK to send a postcard of a cup of coffee?
There's somebody at the door.
Did Phillip Schofield really shave his hair off?
This coffee doesn't taste right, what's the date on the milk?
I think the dog has wind, yes he has wind.
I don't think Joe Root looks right with a beard.
What was McGyver's first name.
Was Fantasy Island a real island and can we go there on holiday?
We haven't seen much of Melinda Messenger lately, is she still on Fort Boyard?
I don't think Leslie Grantham is.
Hundred Club Draw - January
Thank you to everyone who wrote in with their font of first choice to herald the winners of this month's hundred club draw.
A Mr P Rospero of A Remote Imaginary Island, Somewhere off the Coast, SO43 2CO writes:
I am always reminded of the time when I came across the cheeky scamp who ended up doing much of my bidding for the remainder of his life. He said that he had been trapped in the tree by some evil sorceress who had made a bit of a habit of such behaviour, which all sounded a bit far-fetched to me and a bit of a cover up for a lack of ability when climbing trees. He did have little arms and legs but he was ever so grateful for being rescued. Anyway the font Arial along with a city roofline always serves as a reminder of my funny little friend who stuck with me to the bitter end.
We are such things that dreams are made on Mr P Rospero,
Arial it is!
£35 Netta Wills £15 Malcolm Spence-Herbert £15 Oliver Oram